Dancing Through the Wilderness

As I was reading through the pages of Dancing with Destiny by Jill Austin, while I travelled back home today, God reminded me of a lesson learned a few years ago. A lesson that had caused my heart to love Him in a way I had never before.

He stretched out His hand in front of me asking me to dance with Him. With my eyes still closed, I saw myself reach out and fall into His strong arms. He steadied me and we stood still for a while. Then, He with the gentle nudging of His hand, He tenderly moved me to the rhythm of music I could not hear.

It was so effortless. I was captured by His gaze that moving along the dance floor seemed so easy. Without any conflict. I learned that to dance with Him was to trust Him. To be led by Him. To be captured by Him. My heart was awakened to love!

That was that day and this is now.

Even the best of us, after a while, resort to Christian clichés and forget the power that those very revelations once held. And, I have found myself at such a place where words spoken from my mouth ring untrue in my ears. My hope deferred heart finds no solace. This is not some sort of feigned humility. It is the state of my heart.

I am tired.

There is no better way to explain this. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. I am exhausted to the point of hopelessness. Didn’t He say that He wouldn’t leave me? Nor forsake me? Hadn’t He promised me strength to endure?

Then why do I feel so distant? Why does it feel like I have lost sight of who I am supposed to be? Why does giving up seem so easy when once the only thing I was ready to give up was my life if that is what it took to see Your purpose fulfilled on earth?

In answer to all my questions, He is calling me to dance with Him again.

You see, Jesus’ love causes Him to deal with the things that are holding us back. Somewhere along the way, I decided to take lead and move to the familiar sounds of what I had heard before. I wanted things done my way. But before I knew it, I found myself in the wilderness. For those who know me, you might have heard me talk about the wilderness for the longest time. Only I now realize that I did not get here because I wanted to. It was His Spirit that led me here in the first place.

I believe the wilderness to be a place of absolute dependence on God. You depend on Him for your every meal, your next drop of water, your next step and direction. It is also the place where God disciplines you in isolation. He also speaks to you the things on His heart. He allows your flesh nature to die so that when you step out of this place, you are then empowered by the Holy Spirit. It is here that purpose in purified.

Why should I have to go through something like this, you might wonder? Remember that Jesus went through it as well. He had moments even after his temptation where He had to deal with the wilderness. The garden of Gethsemane was one more such experience in His life. He went through the wilderness of death but emerged victorious and resurrected.

As I sit here writing I have decided to not walk through the wilderness anymore. Instead, I will dance. And dance through it with His hand in mine, looking into His eyes. We will dance.

He is real!

²¹When all the people were baptized, it came to pass that Jesus also was baptized; and while He prayed, the heaven was opened. ²²And the Holy Spirit descended in bodily form like a dove upon Him, and a voice came from heaven which said, “You are My beloved Son; in You I am well pleased.” Luke 3:21-22

¹Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into[a] the wilderness, Luke 4:1

¹⁴Then Jesus returned in the power of the Spirit to Galilee, and news of Him went out through all the surrounding region Luke 4:14

 

Notice these things in the above verses:

• Holy Spirit descends on Jesus anointing Him
• Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit led into the wilderness
• He returns in the power of the Holy Spirit

Everything that Jesus did was a result of His communication, in other words prayer life, with the Holy Spirit because we know that the Spirit will speak only what is on the Father’s heart.

The anointing will lead you into a time of consecration and separation from things that hold you back, to allow you to understand what God wants to do through you. God already knows what He wants to do in you. You have to know that as well. He deals with self-issues when you spend time with Him. He allows you to be tried and tested so that when you emerge, you are then empowered with the Holy Spirit. You begin to decrease and He increases.

The level of increase of the Holy Spirit in you will determine the extent of how much He can use you. He becomes the force that draws all men to God but only if you surrender fully. Time spent with Him will make you realize how much you would rather have Him than have to keep ‘self’.

Holy Spirit is not a bird nor is He a tingly feeling going down your spine or goosebumps on your skin.

He is God!

When we begin to respect Him as God and give Him the rightful place as Lord, the revelation of who He is and His involvement in our lives becomes clearer.

He is much more than what we give Him credit for. He deserves every ounce of respect and love and dedication that we can give. He is God and He wants to live in you. First, he descends on you, then He fills you and then He becomes your strength. Don’t miss out on the wonderful person that He is. He is more real than the person sitting next to you. Love Him!

There was a fire

There was a fire
that once burned in my soul.
It consumed me entirely
but I never felt more whole.

Every word I spoke
preceded from a place on high.
No more was I called by my name,
No longer was I living a lie.

he tried to end
what was so beautiful, sent from above.
Little does he know that
he has already been defeated by God’s Great Love.

So now I’m free
to live, dance and sing
that the fire burns brighter
and magnificent and glorious within.

There IS a fire
that burns in my soul.
It consumes me entirely
and I feel complete and whole.

(Another old post)

Dance with me

Sway with me,

Step by Step.

Don’t let go.

I want you

to know me.

More than ever before.

My loverly,

Dance with Me, my darling. As I draw you into my arms, let go of every other thought, every worry and every anxiety. I will lead you on in this dance of love. This is our song. No dance form can define My steps. Just hold on to My hand and stay close. Follow My lead. Make a choice to be led by Me and let go of all inhibition. It is me, your Jesus. I am yours and you are Mine.

I made you for a time like this. Not any earlier but for ‘now’. I love you and every little thing about you. Things that even you do not know about you. You are My pride and joy.

Hugs,

Lover of your Soul

P.S.: I really do love you!

(This is an extremely old post I had written on another almost forgotten blog. Just thought I should put  it here.)

The day I died…

Like any other night, I sat down on my bed by the window to pray. I love reading my Bible. Every single time I turn the pages of this beautiful book, my heart quickens in anticipation to see what He will reveal to me today. After I had done that, I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes to pray.

Suddenly, my eyes opened to find myself in a really crowded room with some people regretting, some rejoicing and some just silently contemplative. I could not understand how I got to be there. I was at my home till a few minutes ago. Nothing seemed to make sense. At the back of my head, there came a nagging thought, ‘I must have died in my sleep. I should have known that blocked nose would get the better of me.’ I felt so undone; there were so many things I had left to do; so many things that I wanted to say.

The crowd was moving in a particular direction and I followed suit. Right at the end of the room, I saw a heavily bearded man having conversations with one person at a time before they went one of two ways, as if to be segregated. I thought maybe, just maybe, that could be Peter. I still haven’t understood why it is Peter who is always standing at the Pearly Gates? Anyway, he seemed to be in conversation with a lady when I was drawing closer to the end of that line and I looked at her face. She looked so pained and then with her head hung low, she walked away.

Finally, it was my turn and I stood there wondering if I should speak first. Should I say something funny to break the ice? Well, the ice melted away, the minute he asked me, “Where do you think you deserve to go?” I wanted to say heaven with clear confidence but I was not so sure if that was where I would go. Had I lived my life right? Not in the past so long ago but right now, up until the moment my last breath had escaped my lips, did I live right?

And then, a thought entered my mind. I suddenly felt faint. I thought I was going to die a million deaths (even that is not possible once you have died already). I realised, today if I go to hell would mean I would never get to look at the face of my Heavenly Father. I would never ever again hear His voice calling my name. I would never ever EVER feel His love for me ever again. All I would have is faded memories of a love that I once had and let go.

I could not help but cry and cry bitterly. I could not imagine such loss. I wake all of a sudden and realise that it was a dream but the tears that trickled down my face were real and the potentiality of being separated from my Father in heaven was real. I cannot say that I have never made a mistake ever since or fallen short but I am learning to live a life, holy and acceptable to Him.

There is an invitation that is open to anyone who believes that Heaven is as real as is hell. He made a way to spend eternity with Him.

John 14:6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through Me.

What was He thinking?

“Every nerve, muscle, tendon, ligament and bone in my body wants to give up on what I have to do. I asked Him thrice to take this cup away from me but I know that it is His will that I am here to perform so let it be done His way.

That log of wood placed on my naked back digging into my spine, bears thorns and splinters. Although, that crown placed on my head is sheer delight than what is on my shoulders. Parts of my flesh hang from me as though they want to run away from this ordeal I am putting it through.

I think I managed to move a step or two. I can barely remember. My brain is focused on so many parts of my body that is hurting so much, I almost forgot to walk. I fall. My head hits the ground and for a moment, a thought crosses my mind. I think about how easy it would have been for my Father to end this right now, this very instant. But the reason I was here for is far more important than my pain in this moment. I have to go on. I need to go on. I must go on. I push myself up off the ground and continue that uphill climb.”

A body so battered and bruised, torn and coming apart. The weight of the world rested on His shoulders as He walked and He walked alone. I wondered why. I wondered what would make someone give up his life for nothing. Then all of a sudden as He passed by me, He looked at me. His eyes seemed to pierce into my soul. I wanted to look away. I wanted to hide. I did not want Him to see how foolish I thought it was what He was putting Himself through but I could not seem to break away from His gaze.

I saw pain in His eyes and ‘something else’; something so strong that I knew I had to look away. It was so out of place. I did not feel like I deserved to be privy to what he was going through. I knew I had to turn back and get a good look again because that ‘something else’ was drawing me like an invisible magnetic force.

My eyes locked with His once again and I saw pained yet kind eyes and then suddenly, I saw that ‘something else’. I shuddered. I had never come face to face with emotion as strong as this. It drew me closer. I never wanted to look away again. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream, “Please don’t go! I know what it is that I see in Your eyes. I thought I had known it before but I have never seen it like this. I finally found what I have been searching for so long. Please! Please! Somebody save Him!”

What did I see?

Love. A love that could not get nailed to a cross. A love that could never die. A love that strengthened Him to take every step towards what He had to endure. What kind of crazy love is this?, I thought. And then with His eyes that looked into my soul He said, “The kind of love that promises that someday you will believe in who I say I am. The kind of love that promises that someday you will reciprocate this love toward me. The kind of love that promises you will be part of everything I am. This is the will of the One I love for the ones I love and if I have to do it all over again, I will gladly lay my life down, all in the name of Love”

i see me

I stepped out on to the water
With my head hung low
Because even though
It seemed where I had to be
I could not lift my head
To see The One who loves me
Eternally, calling out to me.

All I saw mirrored on the water
A tired and worn someone
Who once knew what it was
To be at peace, to be strong
Even before I had seen the waves
I saw the familiar reflection
Of broken dreams, shattered hope.

Snapped out of my trance
By the waves crashing in on me
I lost my footing on a liquid ground
And found myself drawn
To the deep unknown
Till I heard the voice
Of The One who loves me.

My hand held firm in His
Drawn out of a watery grave
I look up and into His eyes
An image of what He saw
Gave me strength to stand again
Glimpses of Himself in me
Untouched by the waves of the sea

It could be a while before
I look just like He does
But for now, this will do
To keep me afloat and going on
Reaching on to the other side
Every storm and wave I will face
Someday to be caught in His eternal embrace.

I have faith…

I have faith to believe that when all around me seems to disintegrate into nothingness, God is preparing us for great things.

I have faith to believe that when I feel like I am losing control of everything, God is taking things into His Hands.

I have faith to believe that He who began work in me will bring it to completion.

I have faith to believe that even though darkness surrounds me, there is light living in me that will shine.

I have faith to believe that even though I lack the understanding of Your great love for me, that love does not lose its depth.

After all that is said and done, I have faith.

I have faith…

Good Morning?

Today, I woke on time but ended up leaving late from home because of some work that I had to do which could have been told to me to get it done the previous day. I run to get ready for work only to find that all my trousers are in the wash. End up wearing jeans to work even though there is a no-casuals HR policy. Rush to the main road, only to find no rickshaw willing to go to the station. Finally, one agreed reluctantly and I run to catch my train. But if you would notice the pattern, nothing seemed to be working right so I ran to the wrong platform and missed my train and a step. Bam! I fall almost on my face on an almost empty platform which meant that the spectacle that I was early in the morning was not hidden by a crowd and ended up entertaining people on the other platform. Run up the bridge and still miss the train (surprise surprise). Enter the train and I am at the door thinking that it couldn’t possibly get any worse now. I had to be proved wrong. It rains and along with the rain, tears. And in my heart, I asked God, ‘Why did it seem like I couldn’t catch a break?’. The only thing that seemed to be giving me any kind of respite from the many questions, confusion and silent wondering was the fact the I had God and today it felt like He too did not think it too important to make me feel taken care of, protected, loved. My heart felt sad. Like I had no hope.

Until, out of the corner of my eye, I seen a butterfly of the brightest blue. It didn’t matter that it was raining, he was flying. Probably, he knew that even though it was raining now and everything seemed gloomy, it was what was needed for the roots beneath the soil to grow deeper and stronger. It was what was needed for that now closed up bud to bloom. That flower on which he would rest on, drink of. Till then, he just kept pressing on through the rain.

Now, my heart is trying to find rest in knowing that He is causing me to grow. Even though it may seem hard to understand at the moment, that does not change the fact that God is watching over me. I may not be there yet but I am on my way.

Romans 1:16

¹⁶I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.

I have decided to give this whole blogging thing another go. Only this time, I would decrease and Jesus would increase. I could rant all day and not a thing would change but if I talk to God about it, I know He makes the impossible, possible. I haven’t lost my sense of humour; it’s just that I have found my life’s purpose and that is to live for His Kingdom’s cause. I realise that if I am just satisfied with just myself being right with God, I have lost perspective of what I am here for.

So, I am picking up from where I left the last time. Only this time, I am nothing if it means that God becomes my everything.

Note: I still am a magikler!