What was He thinking?

“Every nerve, muscle, tendon, ligament and bone in my body wants to give up on what I have to do. I asked Him thrice to take this cup away from me but I know that it is His will that I am here to perform so let it be done His way.

That log of wood placed on my naked back digging into my spine, bears thorns and splinters. Although, that crown placed on my head is sheer delight than what is on my shoulders. Parts of my flesh hang from me as though they want to run away from this ordeal I am putting it through.

I think I managed to move a step or two. I can barely remember. My brain is focused on so many parts of my body that is hurting so much, I almost forgot to walk. I fall. My head hits the ground and for a moment, a thought crosses my mind. I think about how easy it would have been for my Father to end this right now, this very instant. But the reason I was here for is far more important than my pain in this moment. I have to go on. I need to go on. I must go on. I push myself up off the ground and continue that uphill climb.”

A body so battered and bruised, torn and coming apart. The weight of the world rested on His shoulders as He walked and He walked alone. I wondered why. I wondered what would make someone give up his life for nothing. Then all of a sudden as He passed by me, He looked at me. His eyes seemed to pierce into my soul. I wanted to look away. I wanted to hide. I did not want Him to see how foolish I thought it was what He was putting Himself through but I could not seem to break away from His gaze.

I saw pain in His eyes and ‘something else’; something so strong that I knew I had to look away. It was so out of place. I did not feel like I deserved to be privy to what he was going through. I knew I had to turn back and get a good look again because that ‘something else’ was drawing me like an invisible magnetic force.

My eyes locked with His once again and I saw pained yet kind eyes and then suddenly, I saw that ‘something else’. I shuddered. I had never come face to face with emotion as strong as this. It drew me closer. I never wanted to look away again. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream, “Please don’t go! I know what it is that I see in Your eyes. I thought I had known it before but I have never seen it like this. I finally found what I have been searching for so long. Please! Please! Somebody save Him!”

What did I see?

Love. A love that could not get nailed to a cross. A love that could never die. A love that strengthened Him to take every step towards what He had to endure. What kind of crazy love is this?, I thought. And then with His eyes that looked into my soul He said, “The kind of love that promises that someday you will believe in who I say I am. The kind of love that promises that someday you will reciprocate this love toward me. The kind of love that promises you will be part of everything I am. This is the will of the One I love for the ones I love and if I have to do it all over again, I will gladly lay my life down, all in the name of Love”

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9 thoughts on “What was He thinking?

  1. Amazing!!! I dont have the words to describe how excellently you wrote this blog. It was just like me & Jesus. Pl continue to write more 🙂

  2. Gina, was reading from the Gospels today morning and came across many instances where Jesus kept speaking of his Death. After my reading I asked if He knew how he was going to die and accepted His Fate in the Gospels why did he ask The Father to let the cup pass. The Only I answer I Got Back was – Jesus showed us he was Human just like us – I didn’t understand why I went through the whole thing. Now I read ur Blog and I realised that everything He did is out of LOVE – Oh How he Loves us!!!

    Thanx Gina – God Bless U

  3. I had tears in my eyes as i read through this blog. Gina, you have a God-given gift…Thank you for being a blessing 🙂

  4. Amazing…keep writing sis. U hav realised the true love indeed.and wen i read this blog , im convicd and reminded of My APPAS Love !!!!! Hope I can show my love by living a life He wantd me to have !

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